Why I Race

For the last 10 or so years of my life, I've been struggling to fit in. I couldn't find a group that accepted me. I have always known I work best in groups, on teams. My best friends are usually groups of friends. I remember playing with my friends when i was in elementary school - my favorite game was to pretend my bike was a horse and play on my "farm." We rode our bikes everywhere, and in the winter, we hosted the winter olympics with sledding, snowball fights, and ice skating. We had gymnastics competitions on the front lawn. I played catch with my brother and dad. I swam like a fish. I joined my first swim team when I was 10, with Heather, Brian Wasko, and Joe Salemi. I stayed on that team until I was 15, making tons of friends in the process. At Milkovich I played volleyball and ran track. At Trinity I played soccer, ran track, and I was on the YMCA winter swim team. I kept up a four-sports-a-year schedule until the day I tore my ACL in May of 1999. From then on, sports was never the same.

I went to college, and took a gymnastics course, while working out almost obsessively. It kept me focused and strong. I loved college and I will always remember the exact layout of the SRSC. I read a ton of health magazines, and encouraged other people to work out. Then, right after college, I lost all my motivation. I let the hippie lifestyle take over, and I didn't do any serious physical activity until I started biking around the city in March of 2007. Sure, I hiked a bit in Colorado, and that made me happy, but I wasn't fit. Biking around Chicago really helped to keep me in shape, especially because I was riding 4 miles each way to work, plus more on errands. But eventually biking wasn't giving me the exhaustion that I needed, and in January 09 I got on a treadmill and started running. Now, I'm comfortable going 5 to 6 miles at a pop and my speed has gone up to almost 6 miles an hour. I finished my first triathlon in one hour and 52 minutes and plan to do another soon.

Since I've welcomed running and swimming back into my life, I have felt more centered, grounded, and enthusiastic about life than ever before. This is a cliche, but I feel like my old self again. Happy and motivated, like I was in high school and college. And although music and going to concerts has, and will, always be important to me, I don't get the same satisfaction from it now that I did from 2004-2008, when I was touring a lot and living and unhealthy lifestyle. It's hard for me to let go of that part of my life and my personality. I almost feel like I am cheating on myself by giving it up. But at the same time, I know I have to do it, and I'm happy to be moving on.

I race because it gives me goals and because it makes me feel like I'm a part of something bigger than just myself. When I'm running through the city and I see other runners, I feel like they understand why I'm out there, why I need it. When I go to Fleet Feet and hear other runners talking about gear they need for their next race, it motivates me to join that race or try that gear. I race because I feel like it is where I am supposed to be, and what I am supposed to be doing. I feel home.