Old Habits / Bad Sleeping

Last week, Jeff went out of town, and I used that opportunity to catch up with some old friends. On Saturday (the 14th) afternoon, I was very emotional and spent most of the day reminicing about my dad and crying. Later that night, I went to a party with friends, drank some wine, and got home around 3am. I didn't sleep well that night, and had to be up for work the next day at 9. I was off work on Monday, but I dragged myself through the 6 mile run, and was feeling really ragged.

After work on Tuesday, I met up with Joel Berk for a concert at Martyr's. I had 2 beers and we were out till about 12:30, then I watched tv till about 2am. I got woken up at 3am and 5am by the dogs, then woke up naturally at 7am. Determined to get more than 4 hours of sleep, I laid in bed until 10 (I work at noon), but that extra little bit didn't help. On Weds I stayed downtown after work to see the new Cirque du Soleil, Banana Shpeel. Although it only lasted till 10, I was already exhausted, and by the time I got home I was completely worn out. I went to sleep around 11:30, with the intention of catching up on some sleep, but I woke up to a text message at 2:30am, then again at 6am. That text was from Jeff telling me that his Amtrak had just hit a car and killed the driver.

A worry-some personality and five days of sleep deprevation made this news especially jarring to me. I laid in bed imagining what would have happened if Jeff's train had derailed; I imagined how the family of the victim must feel. I wondered if it had been suicide and what would have driven him to that point. After an hour of trying to sleep and failing, I decided to just get up and get ready for work early. I was ready by 9 although I don't have to leave until 11. Showering and eating had calmed me down, so I attempted sleep again, only to sleep through my alarm and wake up at 11:15. I was going to be at least 5 minutes late, awesome. I arrived at work frazzled, worn out, and anxious.

Jeff finally got home around 9:30pm (originally supposed to be 4pm), and after spending some quality time together, I left at 11pm to go see a midnight showing of the new Twilight movie, New Moon. Although it was great, I didn't get home until 2:30am and I was asleep at 3am.

Friday was a regular day, and I finally got to relax. I hadn't run since Monday because I was so sleepy in the mornings and so busy in the evenings. I was exhausted to my core, but I made spaghetti for dinner and was feeling pretty good. Around 10pm I was reading/ falling asleep on the couch when some words I had said to our roommate stirred up a heated argument. Of course, he didn't know that my week of exhaustion made me so fragile, but under the weight of the argument, I just cracked. Another night of poor sleep, another day of work, another night out and another decision - am I going to run today, or not?

I came home from work at 5, ate and relaxed for a while. My body was exhausted and my emotions had pretty much flat-lined at this point... I was too tired to care about much anymore. But I knew I needed to run today so I could take Sunday off and be fresh for my day off on Monday. Jeff motivated me and I got off the couch. I have a 2 mile loop in my neighborhood, which I could barely finish in 30 minutes when I first started. I strapped on the heart rate monitor, plugged in the Nike+, got Chuck ready to go, and headed out.

I was back in 24 minutes!

On some parts of the run I ran as fast as 9:45 per mile. I averaged 11:22 per mile, but this included some walking and stretching. One bummer with short runs is the limited amount of warm-up time. Anyway, I'm really, really happy that I finally got out there. It felt great, and although the 4 days off was unintentional, I think it did me some good.

Overall, I learned the hard way that I am not cut out for the rock-n-roll lifestyle anymore. I know I've been saying that for a while, but actually living it for a week (without Jeff to take me home at a decent hour) REALLY drove the point home. The sheer exhaustion I felt from not getting 9-10 hours of sleep each night affected me to my core, and my emotions completely broke down.

I won't be living like that anymore. I know for sure that I am ready to settle down, and one (or two at the most) nights out a week are plenty for me. I'm happy to have reconnected with some friends, but from now on, I'm in bed by 11.